Question:
What do you think of this poem?
This is probably one of the first poems Ive really tried hard at, that wasnt funny or anything. I dont really care if its the best poem ever or anything, I just need to know if its good enough to read infront of my grade 8 class. thanks so much for your answers.
A stop in time,
as I think back to good times and memories.
I miss it all so much
as I walk down memory lane.
Before it all went wrong,
and my life came shattering to pieces
but I slowly start to pick up the pieces, and put it all back together
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
you're using too many of the same words right after eachother. if you really want to impress your class, try using a thesaurus to find a different meaning for some of the words and expand your vocab.
for example in the first two lines;
a stop in TIME
as i think back to the good TIMES and memories
-find a synonym for time, or just use a completely other idea all together. and also, add details to the sentences to give your poem life and beauty! :)
here's an example on how a good correction would help widen the poem...
A brief pause in time
As I slowly stop and hit rewind
the other part was the PIECES word
and my life came shattering to PIECES
but i slowly start to pick up the PIECES, and put it all back
together
maybe something like:
my life fell and shattered to pieces
picking up and starting new, living life, and smiling wide
i dont know
just something to add more detail and life
hope i helped you