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Question: Another poem, be kind!.!?
is this real, the pain I feel
How can it be, when I hurt
It dose not heal, and as you promise that it will be
you and me
I cant seem to let go,
your actions push me, your voice pulls me close
I scream inside, relief I need
I can not find, the help I seek
I need you, I hate you, I love you,
I can't stand to feel this pain
I long for you, and run from you
make up my mind, I shout inside
I need to feel you close
I wish I could live without you!.
You, who are my love and spite!.
stab me in the back, and clean the wound
how can your tong, that hurts me so
with the words you speak, bring such relief!.
your actions are ugly, they bring tears to my eyes
with the voice of an angle, you tell me such tales
with a fake smile, and a voice pitched with joy,
I pretend not to care, and joke along!. all the wile
thinking who is this I hear, she can not be, the one i fell so hard to love
what happened to my rock, to whom I gave up my heart
and soul, I promised my life to you, but now I feel
that you murdered her, not her, lair,
she is gone, the one I loved, I can hope and say its not true
But what is, is!.
She is not you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The perspective in this poem is very deep!. You travel along the lines of real emotion here!.
Its like you have to collect yourself after reading this because your mind (Well, my mind) scatters off to another place wondering why you chose these words to support your!.!.!.!.je ne sais quoi!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
it is a good expression of feelings But with most poems they kind of have a rhyme Now Iam not a expert you are going to have to change a little of it without taking away what you are saying for example were you say if it was me I would leave out the word close your actions push me your voice pulls me but if it feels right to you then leave it it is hard to write a poemWww@QuestionHome@Com
Full of pain embedded by the the love for some one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
its good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think its good!. And all the answers have answered with what I would've said so yeah!. Good job :]Www@QuestionHome@Com
it's actually very powerfully worded, good work!. i dont know exactly what you are looking for structure wise, try looking up different poem structure on google and see what works best for you!. you will probably have to re write some, to fit into a particular structure, but hey, not all great poets have structure to their stuff!. look at Jack Kerouac or E!.E!. Cummings, a lot of their stuff is totally out of the ordinary structure wise, and they pretty much do what they want!. dont be afraid to rock the boat!. (from one writer to another)Www@QuestionHome@Com
as a writer myself, i can say that poetry is a brave feat which i commend you for exercising!. that said!.!.!.
you can enhance your work by making the lines reflect what you're saying, but not literally saying it!. "i need you, i hate you, i love you" can be quite cliche, meaning it's overused and doesn't achieve the effect you want it to!. you could say these three things in another way that is more universal and paints a picture with words!.
if i may, i would recommend looking at sylvia plath's poetry, she's very dark and poetic, and frank o'hara is funny and you can look to him for structure and rhythm!.Www@QuestionHome@Com