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Question: Care to comment or critique!?
A poem is born entire, suddenly exists,
Then explodes into fragments—phrases on fire,
Ignites the cradle, ship of its genesis!.
The flames burn through the water, then expire,
First illuminating a secret world below
Where drowning girl lives in the sunless ocean!.
Enchanted, she witnesses what her hands know
But rejects the sight of her own reflection!.
After this limited episode of light
Something in the familiar sea has changed!.
She might never return to the shipwreck site—
It reminds her of something difficult and strange!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
If we could all see ourselves from the beginning, estrangement would be a structured journey, one we would gladly take!.
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A beautiful piece of repression, living in the sea, where there is no mirror but only words to define the figment pain she feels, returning to the wreck where perhaps she lost the one she loved, or lost herself to the depths, the cold place of the mind that chills when touched upon and we know not if we will turn to ice or flames!. Beautiful write, a fragmented mind finds a piece of itself and decides to transcend, acknowledging the "difficult and strange", acknowledging intrinsic weakness, the first step towards healing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Another beautiful pen from your soul, the anguish, the passion, with the elusive light that never seems to find you, the cause of the unending search!. Beautiful, yet a ravishment on one's core instincts!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
You are so good at relaying the intended sentiments!. For me, you are a model internet poet!. You don't shape the mood!. You channel it, skillfully, artistically!.!.!.poetically!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
I may be way off base here (it's because I'm a bit slow)!.
I'm coming up with "writer's block"!.
I could expound and perhaps fool myself more, or leave it at that!.
I stand at that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Actually, this is perfect and beautiful poetic expression describing a psychotic break!. Not many could have expressed it with such exacting imagery!.
maWww@QuestionHome@Com
From the mind of a very old soul I would think!.
The degree of "enlightenment", displayed by your poem is not easily obtained!.
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You pinned it down pretty well,I went through that during severe post trauma shock,but came through on the other side of that wreckage!.!.!."and she was never the same"!.Beautifully done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Faintly disturbing, I will read this a few times and may come back!.
As Ma says, a bit like a fractured mind-moment!.Www@QuestionHome@Com