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Question: My poem good or bad!?!?!?!?
Inside, she’s breaking
But no one can see past that smile she’s faking
Inside, she’s falling
But no one can hear her silent calling
Inside, she’s torn apart
But no one knows what’s in her true heart
Inside, she’s dying
But no one can see her crying
Inside, she wants to scream
But no one understands that things really aren’t what they seem
Inside, she knows no hope
But no one really tries to help her cope
Inside, she says goodbye
But no one expected her to commit suicide
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's good!. I think the series of rhymed couplets and repeating the word "inside" give it a sort of driving urgency!. I think it could be improved by controlling the number of syllables in each line!. For me, the best stanza is "Inside she's falling / But no one can hear her silent calling", five syllables in the first line and 10 syllables in the second with stress on 3 and 5!. It's pretty symmetrical!.
Some of it is a bit cliche!.!.!.breaking/faking, dying/crying!. You may need to find your own, more original voice!. Stanzas six is a little too "theoretical" I think you want to smash your reader in the face with some visceral imagery that reflects your pain and speaks to his/her senses!. Hoping and coping are a little, well !.!.!.boring!.
Hope this helps!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
its good
a little emo
but pretty good
it kinda sounds familiar
is some of those lines out of a song!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
it's pretty depressing!. If it's true then maybe you can get out a bit more!. Talk to someone!.
Is it true!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's very good!. Keep it up!.
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not bad tho cud be more deep and poetic Www@QuestionHome@Com
nice!Www@QuestionHome@Com