"Oracular" - pleiades
On top of the world, sword
outstretched, awaiting the
offering that does not
offset the harlot world's
obscene practices!. Earth's
outrage burns!. Gaia's wrath
overcomes man's effortsWww@QuestionHome@Com
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Position:Home>Poetry> Is this poem awkward?Question: Is this poem awkward!? "Oracular" - pleiades
On top of the world, sword outstretched, awaiting the offering that does not offset the harlot world's obscene practices!. Earth's outrage burns!. Gaia's wrath overcomes man's effortsWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Not at all!. As a matter of fact I found it opulent!! Allow me to explain!.!.!. Opulence One moment One kindness One touch One sensation One temptation One desire One love Much love always, TemariWww@QuestionHome@Com I am intrigued that you spelled Gaia the Greek way here, but the Latin way in `Flickering Song!.' I too felt the awkwardness Sptfyr noted for my first reading: it is due to the modest paradox, `awaiting/ the offering that does not/ offset!.!.!.' So far as most of my favourite poems require memorisation and luck to comprehend, two readings does not bother me much!. Technically, the first sentence is a prepositional phrase; I personally prefer the technically equally comprehensible reading where the first period is a comma!. The ending sounds like a stiff Japanese moral; I like this contrast!. `Burns' is suitably subtle, and I enjoy the silent demurral here from `sword!.' Overall, this is a disconnected poem, but like Osiris, it achieves unity in its dispersal!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's time for you to give up the "who, little ol' me!?" shtick!. This is just one more burnished gem, glittering in your diadem!. btw, I'd like some clarification and amplification regarding those "obscene practices!." Were they the reason that you are always missing your periods!?Www@QuestionHome@Com In all honesty, it was a tad bit awkward to read the first time around!. However, the second reading was much smoother and not awkward at all!. I suspect the awkwardness was all me!. Great poem!.!.!.I love poems about Earth and the Earth Mother!.Www@QuestionHome@Com No!.Www@QuestionHome@Com um yes!.!.maybe I would have to hear it out loudWww@QuestionHome@Com yeah, it doesn't flowWww@QuestionHome@Com |