PLEASE HELP! I must find a funny monologue, that is suitable for junior high kid

Question:

PLEASE HELP! I must find a funny monologue, that is suitable for junior high kids, within 1 HOUR! Where is it?

Please help! I've been searching for over an hour and have found nothing!!

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Try using something by David Sedaris - most of his stuff is profanity free and hilarious; the book Me Talk Pretty One Day is probably available online somewhere, and you can just pick a segment from that.